This morning, Darius and Joshua's mother met an accident at different times while I almost had one myself too. Such a coincidence? That we three, should have had to deal with issues of an accident. Though, I was the most fortunate. Thank you Lord!
I wonder if we walked under a ladder or something. Nah... superstitious! :S
Glad the day is SO over! >_<
I have often wondered why some couples are able to be married for so many years while others just get divorced. This year is double festival for my family as my parents will be celebrating their 25th and my grandparents their 50th wedding anniversary. Wow! that’s longer than I have lived!
I remembered mom mentioning some time back when she attended a psycho-spirituality course and she used to share a lot with me…… In psychological terms there is such a thing as the Anima (feminine dimension) and Animus (masculine dimension). Hmmmm……..So I got hold of her notes, very interesting notes and this is one aspect of it. Briefly though.
“In all of us we have the two elements, emotionally & psychologically, we are
bi-sexual.
Take the Adam & Eve story for instance. Is it a myth, a story with certain essential or basic truths?
It can’t be taken literally that’s for sure………Look for the underlined truth which the myth is trying to tell us – that when God created Adam, his masterpiece, Adam was already bi-sexual, so He could create Eve from Adam. This is because the feminine (Anima) was already in Adam. Adam was not happy because the feminine in him was not integrated, so he was alone. Likewise, we have to integrate both the masculine and feminine in us. So the Anima & Animus are described as the contra-sexual archetype.” (A man has an Animus, feminine dimension, in him just as a woman has an Anima, masculine dimension in her.)
“Human sexuality does not mean only sex. Sex is just one aspect of human sexuality. Human sexuality is a way of life, not just something that one has. To be human is to be sexual and to be sexual is to be human. Sexual here means everything that makes a man a man & a woman a woman. Thus one’s sexuality (masculinity vs feminicity) pervades all areas of his/her life,….his/her way of thinking, acting, loving & being loved, approaching & relating to God and people, his/her religious experiences.
One must be confident & comfortable with one’s sexuality before he/she can successfully accept and relate to the opposite sex. (Wow! A keynote to remember?)
Complimentarity is the key to male-female relationships, not rivalry.”
“ In Man-Woman Transference Relationships, there are 5 levels.” Won’t get too technical here but in short, what happens when e.g. a man falls in love with a woman?
Haha! On the first level, when a man falls in love with a woman, actually he is falling in love with his own self, the woman (feminine dimension) in himself. Vice versa. The man projects his own anima onto the woman. (she probably looks like the female version of him too). If the anima is not integrated within himself than he can grow disillusioned with love.
What happens when there is not integration?
The man hates woman, totally neglects his anima and looks only at a man. GAY!
The woman hates man, totally neglects her animus and looks only at a woman. LESBIAN!
Whoa! I think I’m integrated with my Animus as I ‘cuci mata’ with someone. Haha!
Anyway here’s the fun part…………take a picture of a couple. E.g. Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie and you’ll be able to see at once the compatibility, the likeness in them. That’s the first level……..the physical. As we are said to have 7 look alikes in this world, can I say then that I have 7 animus? Guys who are compatible look alikes? For fun, I took Darius pic and matched it with an old schoolmate of mine and the match is so fantastic that he doesn’t want to meet her. Scary cat? (hahaha!) I have found 2 for myself.. Better not mention who she is or there’ll be retribution for me. Hahaha!Still wondering whether Joshua and his girlfriend do look alike. xD
On an easier note I would term this attraction as chemistry. I mean, a guy can have all the assets you are dreaming of and yet, you keep finding your eyes going back to one particular guy. I have often wondered about this peculiarity in me? Maybe this Anima/Animus explanation shades some light and helps me to understand myself better. It’s not lust, just a kind of chemistry that exists between 2 people not with every Tom, Dick and Harry. As I'm studying Biology, hormones do secrete a certain smell that certain people can detect at close proximity. Hahaha! Interesting ya?
Looking at my grandparents’ photos and also that of my parents, they do look alike! So, if you are wondering if the he/she is the ‘one’, just do some matching of pics. Here’s a tip, it got to be at the same angle and expression of one’s face. Also, age.
There is a lot to me...
But, as the years go by....
I still find....
That there is still a lot more to me...
I find myself now,
Seeing things in different lights and angles;
Realizing emotions within me...
Caring for and about things, people, relationships....
So if you think you had known me before....
Put me in a box...Think again,
For you can't know me,
When I'm still discovering myself..
As for now,
I look...
I see...
I wonder...
Sometimes I know...
Sometimes I just leave it to grow...
I believe in what I see
I acknowledge what I feel
I don’t care what people say, for they are only opinions.
I believe in giving a person a fair chance,
I believe I should be given the same too.
So,
If you are interested to be a friend, a companion, a brother, a sister….
Walk gently beside me,
Life is beautiful,
Life is short,
Life can be filled with love,
Life can be fun!
It is all choices within our grasps.
This is the pathway I have chosen
Amidst my hectic daily schedule.
So come, walk gently beside me.
~Copyright Reserved~
Waterlily Pond, 1899 - Claude Monet
P.S. We cross many bridges in Life.
For so many of my growing up years I've been a prefect in school (3 1/2) which had conditioned me to be quite a rigid kind of person. It was good but it's a time now to face reality. I'm growing into a young lady and I need to know the 'who' in me. History, they say gives you an identity, but up till now, it has been nothing but books, books, and more books! So, with eyes closed I asked myself "what shall I do?"
Dye my hair? Hmmmmmmm..............what a delicious idea!
I spent a good few years forced to bring girls who dyed their hair in school to the disciplinary teacher. But, deep within me, I really could not find anything really wrong in their deed other than that it broke a discipline. But why did they do it? It was more with girls who had problems in their life. So I guess that it was from there that it sprang the concept that if you dyed your hair you were a problematic person. Well, that really belonged to the older generation. To me, it just meant that it was a trendy thing to do. So am I trendy? Am I a square? I would say neither. But would I dye my hair? (Smile...........Smile.........Smile)
Friends. She was a star student in cpt but she dyed her hair so tastefully after form 5, in 3 different shades mind you, when she was a bridesmaid for her sister's wedding. Such creativity! Today she is a student in Australia at a well known Melbourne University. He was an As student of sxi. I laughed full heartedly when I met him with a full blonde head. He forgot to dye his very thick eyebrows which were still so black and wicked looking. He studied psychology and is now in a pilot's course. But nothing beats this one, who dyed his head orange, wore a bright yellow shirt and big light blue specs. I kinda admired his bad taste though! Haha! xD
Let's face it. Within us all lies a passion, a frustration, a longing to be something, to be someone. But do we have the courage to breakaway, to withstand peer pressure, to be different with a head held high......? Or are we actually cowards or have become complacent and just take the easier way out....do nothing........and slowly shrivel up inside! All in all, we must not throw away discernment, good judgment and common sense. So, if I dyed my hair, would I get a reaction? A negative reaction? What? *sigh
On Saturday, I went to the hairdresser's with mom to trim my hair. Sitting in the hairstylist's chair, mom said' "Want to dye your hair?" She had this devilish grin on her face. Shocked, "Mom?!?" Mothers always have this uncanny ways! Urrr....cool! "Yeah, why not?" Haha! She laughed. Then she goes gibberish with the hairstylist all in Hokkien, then says, we'll just streak the top. "K?" "The rock concert is tonight, isn't it?" That grin again! Well, 45minutes later, I came out of the saloon looking really streaked with light brown hair. But you know, there was this little giggle within me.........I did it! I did it! It felt like a breakaway, a letting goooooooo......Now what? Change my dressing? Ok........but the sensible within said, ' Not too much!'
When dad got home, I let him settle down before I sprang up on him and said, "How do I look?" He smiled, put on his glasses and smiled again. Then said, "You look like a pie geena". "Dad! Serious?". He laughed. "Actually, you look very nice. Different but nice. I like it. Makes you look young and alive!" Then he looked at mom. She gave him a look and walked away. His look at her was a 'how about you dear?' Haha.
The rock concert was being held at Disted College that night and Darius had been so kind to ask me to join his group of friends. He, disgusting fellow, had no reaction to my new me. I met a lot of my church friends, some of whom were the band members........they're college students too and doing stuff that's close to their heart. Music is their passion! Mine too.
Anyway, here are some of the reactions which I can recall.... sounds familiar??
---> ' Hi Vanessa, whoa....nice streaks'
---> *playing with the streaks of gold in my hair... ' Your hair is so nicely done'
---> 'Is it permanent?? Nice... *smiles'
---> 'What did you colour your hair with?? Watercolour??'
---> *huge eyes...and smiles
---> *looks...talk to friends...looks...talk to friends...looks back again
---> 'Hi...uuumm *pause ..Nessa?? Nice hair'
--->*looks..takes of cap...looks again... ( -.-?? )
---> NESSA!!! NICE!!!*big grin ( -.-'' )
---> 'Whoa....dyed your hair???' *looks of disbelief
---> *says Mass....Eyes widens and continue saying mass ( xD )
Well...that's all I can remember...
Here's is some pictures...
Before....
During....
After....
Here's a song to which expresses my bravado....
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Don't think that you can tell me what to think
I'm the one who knows what's good for me
And I'm stating my independence
Gonna take the road I'm gonna take
And I'm gonna make my own mistakes
It's my life
I decide
I decide how I live
I decide who I love
Choice is mine
And no one gets to make my mind up
I decide
I decide where I go
What I need
Who I know
I'm the one who's runnin' my life
I decide
I decide
Don't think you're ever gonna hold me down
Couldn't do it then can't do it now
I'm kickin' down all the fences
I'm gonna do it all and do too much
And if I mess the whole thing up
It's my right
I decide
I decide how I live
I decide who I love
Choice is mine
And no one gets to make my mind up
I decide
I decide where I go
Where I sleep
Who I know
I'm the one who's runnin' my life
I decide
I decide
I'm taking my own chances
And I'm finding my own answers
I'm only answering to me
And that's the way it's gonna be
I decide
Oh yeah
I decide
I decide
I decide how I live
I decide who I love
Choice is mine
And no one gets to make my mind up
I decide
I decide where I go
Where I sleep
Who I know
I'm the one who's runnin' my life
I decide
I decide
I decide how I live
I decide who I love
Choice is mine
And no one gets to make my mind up
I decide
------------------------------
Well, I'm glad my parents support my streaky hairdo... They said that I'm only young once... The externals do not change the internal self... I'm still the same Vanessa and I need to find myself ( except now its exams xD..stress! )
I'm Happy! I did it! Yay!
Now....back to my beloved books...
Study time!
This came for me as usual in the mornings.. my Brain Gain stuff....
'If man makes himself a worm, he must not complain when he is trodden on.'
Immanuel Kant
P.S. Hmm.....I wonder this 'guy' is somehow connected to a good friend of mine.... who once dressed up as Immanuel Kant for moral presentation.... Who ar?? xD
Here's a comment from my best friend, Kelvin... who is one of those I mentioned above...
He has deleted his friendster account...
Well, he so 'proclaims' that he has nothing to say...
Enjoy reading! ;)
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Some ppl say our history gives us our current identity.
Some ppl say its stuffs like books, role models etc..
Neither do i believe its the first nor the second
I believe its a combination of both which is usually the case
Ur history subjects u into a period of conditioning which shapes up certain characters in you today.....which makes up certain parts or fragments of our identity
For example,
A history of always being given attention frm guardians, teachers, etc........
Always given praises and good remarks
Will most probably turn u into a person with full of self esteem
On the negative side of it
It would make you less tolerant to bad remarks ....as u never learn to tackle a bad comment and role models,
Well,
Ever wonder why guys nowadays dress so weird dat to me
They look so damn foolish n childish?
Take a walk around prangin mall n see those boutiques so called inspired by the taiwanese pop diva jau hou
I think he has the worst taste ever
Now that's shaping of identity thru role model
So generally these two factors shape ur identity la
Kelvin...
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