Rojak Week!

The beginning of last week started on a depressing note with the news from my kecik molek. Instead of moving down to Ipoh in 2 years time, it was brought forward to 2 months! Ugh, this was so premature as I had planned to spend some time with her after my exams. >_<>

Haiz, well, putting this aside, my friends from outstation were back for the Raya break! I was so excited to meet up with them and catch up with each other!

Before I could even meet anyone of them….. Mum bought me roses as she felt bad about throwing away my Star Gazers!!! Great, I ended up with a sinus problem… Running nose, watery eyes….the works! Ugh, imagine sitting for chemistry practical and mathematics paper 1 in this condition!

Meeting up with Lynn was great! Still cute and cheeky she is! We caught up with each other and reminisced about old days. Gosh, I can’t believe I sat with her for one whole year! I owe a lot to this girl. Without her, I don’t think I could have caught up with lots of my school work as I was often down with my wheezing then or called away for prefect duties. Also, waking me up when teacher walks into class! Well, I have indentations in my left side and head to prove that she can be…..cute? hahahaha! xD Don’t be fooled by her size! Later, we met up with Yee Yin and….the madness continued!.... *grins.

Yesterday, before meeting up with Caryn and Sarah.. I decided to drop in at the library. Seeing my friends in long sleeves and ties… I remember that it was the Merit Scholarship presentation day!!! AND, I didn’t know whether I would be allowed to kay po or not.. -.-‘’ Well, my answer came in a tall, dark and loud person….who had the intentions of being a kay po too! Better still, he had a camera!.... muahahaha!

So, like ‘partners in crime’, we entered the hall boldly. I thought I was blur until I met this admin lady… she thought both of us were parents! …. HAH??? Can you imagine? Parents?? A couple?? …. God help me!

Embarassed, we tried to look inconspicuous and found a seat at the back. As Karthigan got up to take photos, an admin guy approached me and said,

“ Excuse me, would you like to seat in front with the other parents??”

My gosh! It was so hard to smile pleasantly back at him! -.- Was he blind? Dumb or something? HellO! I’m a student here in the very place you are working!!

Later, Karthigan sat beside me and frowned.. after restarting his camera, he said really loudly, “ OH SHIT” (something like that la) Guess what?? So many many eye balls were directed at us! I felt myself saying, “Floor, please swallow me up!”

So, why the ‘shit’, evidently, Karthigan batteries were dead. Ugh, I mean…CAMERA batteries! The phrase ‘who can be so stupid to bring a camera with dead batteries,’ was uttered by me over and over again.

Anyway, when I looked up at his ‘sorrowful’ face, I ended up driving him to buy the batteries for his camera. After all, he had gone out of his way to take photos of his buddies… *shrugs.

Even with my embarrassment, I managed to see some amusing characters such as Gaston, Anastasia, Timun, Drizella, John Rolfe, Belle’s Beast, Sir Hiss, Little John and so many more… Hahaha! xD

Halfway, I had to leave as I had to pick Sarah and meet Caryn. We scraped the movie as I was still not fully recovered from the allergy attack. Laughter was the rule of the day too and as you can see….we had all became kind of ‘bulat’… ^^ One is in Form6, the other in Matriculation while other is in college. So, we had lots and lots to share about in this area!

Well, I have taken my father’s advice to put a little time aside for friends instead of just mere studying. As I’m taking both AS and A2 exams, I’m blessed with a very relaxed schedule which allows me to not be so stressed up this time.

My, there’s been so many ups and downs and all within a week! xD

And the Journey continues……………

Joshua had invited both Darius and me to this musical concert on Sunday and as usual, Darius let us down with excuses. Hmph! ‘And the Journey continues….’ was a charity musical concert in aid of the Dr. J. Earl Gardner Fund. Dr. Gardner was the founder of the Penang Adventist Hospital and the fund is used to help well-deserving patients.

The concert was an eye-opener for me, although Joshua’s sister was one of the ballerinas. There were so many gifted young talents performing for FREE in aid of a good cause. They gave their time and talent unconditionally and the people who came gave their support unconditionally. In a world where we always say “I’m busy”, “No time!”, and I’m one of them, there’s so much to life besides studying, working, earning more and more money…etc. One thing I learnt from this concert is that money cannot buy love, hope, joy and the gift of life. And also for me, friendship, good friends and family. There is a world out there where people need people, care and attention. TLC (Tender Loving Care). It gave me FOCUS! Also, although in the beginning it felt like a chore and a tiring affair to get dressed for the occasion but when I looked at the photo taken that night, I realized that for the whole of this year I had been slacking in this department, always in pants, t-shirts & sneakers. Hmmmm………=)

At the concert, there was this guy, Chong Soo How, 25 (Anthony’s age) who suffered from prolonged joint inflammation of the hips since he was 15 years old and could not bend but only stand or lie down. He lives with his family in a rubber estate with no water and electricity, with no means of communication except from a tiny radio. Under the Dr. Gardner fund he received financial assistance and underwent 3 successful hip replacement surgeries. Today, he is able to work and with what little he earns, he gave so generously back not just in money but time and support of the Fund.This touched me!

Because, practically everyday, in college I hear such moans and groans of some of us college kids who are able to be here in the first place instead of a public school, who have a car at our disposal, who can dine at fancy outlets, buy what we fancy and yet are nothing but melancholic or just annoying. Not contented and not appreciative of what we have and are. Often so focused on the wrong sort of loving and giving.

Sheesh!

In Remembrance of Anthony

My weekend began on a down note with news of the death of a friend, a former neighbour who had moved back to KL. Anthony was an Indian, a few years older and he used to play the guitar at our BEC meetings. On the whole he was a very friendly guy who I used to terrorize as a kid. I was into books about riddles, jokes and disgusting facts at the time and I used to corner him into being a victim of all my riddles. Whenever he annoyed or bullied me, I would step/sometimes jump even, on his feet and run off, leaving him screaming. Haha! ^^ Sorry Anthony, I was so much smaller then and you seemed so big and tall then too.

I guess you could say he was careless. His car broke down on the emergency lane and as he got out, an oncoming car hit him. He died instantly. One moment here, next moment gone! Like me, he was an only child. Anthony had a tendency to be very rash in doing things, always getting emotional and doing things before thinking things out through first. That’s how I always won! J I remember how as a child I used to sit quietly and listen to the times he got himself into scraps because of this nature of his. He tended to get himself into knots. Too much emotion for his own good! What do you expect? He was only 18 then. Well, as I said, this time he just was not so lucky and got careless.

It really does rattle something in me to think that Anthony was someone I knew and so young, so close to my age, and now he is gone! LIFE……..so fragile…..so uncertain………so…….well, Anthony is with the Lord now. After all that studying…..(sigh)

------------------------------------------

Things lighten up as I had dinner with family and two very dear people in my life, Fr. Jean Claude, who I used to tie up with his long seat belt in his car, and Fr. Pat, my cousin, my spiritual mentor. It was so good to eat and relax in such company after such a tiring day at college and such a tragic story. Sooooo much to study too!

NEVER GIVE UP

NEVER GIVE UP

You are beaten to earth?

Well, well, what's that?

Come up with a smiling face.

It's nothing against you to fall down flat.

But to lie there - that's a disgrace.

Edmund Vance Cooke (1866 - 1967)

*This quote has been annoying me again today!

So, NAH, here's my smiling face! =)






P.S. I'VE GOT MY JOSH GROBAN 'AWAKE' MUSIC SCORE BOOK!!! *SCREAMS! xD

My Angel

After a series of dreams, everything came to a halt. Silence and stillness prevailed. An image of a friend started to form in front of me. He said to me, ‘Nessa, you are a very beautiful person, but you let your hurts hold you from being so.’

I awoke. Was he an angel with a message?

For the last few days, I tried to shake this off but the more I tried, the worst it got. So I decided to face it. =)

Cooking my noodles in the kitchen this morning, I looked into the boiling pot of water. I’ve put so much water into the pot and yet it looked insufficient. At this point, I was struck by this thought that things are not what it always seems to be. Hmmmm….

Yesterday, I went on a mission to MPH to look for Josh Groban’s ‘Awake’ music scores book. In my search, I picked up Jim Brickman’s ‘Escape’. In this book, I found the song ‘Timeless’ and I could feel excitement welling-up within me. I GOT TO HAVE THIS BOOK!!!

Josh Groban’s ‘Awake’ was forgotten for a good 15 minutes till Mum came along saying ‘Found the book?’ -.-‘’ Anti-climax! I knew I had a decision to make on my hands. Josh Groban or Jim Brickman? Gosh, sounds like choosing a boyfriend! Swt. Tough choice. I knew Jim B. LONGER than Josh G. I am more FAMILIAR with Jim B. than Josh G. I have MEMORIES of Jim B. but not much of Josh G. So, if they were guys I had to choose from, I should choose Jim B. right? :S I have memories and events with Jim B. But somehow, Josh G. had my heart. I don’t know why! >_<

Hahahahaha…. Luckily they are artists. Mampous gua! If it was a real life situation. xD

Mum’s wise words, ‘Don’t forget your heart’s choice.’

________________________________________________________________________

I knew I could conveniently buy ‘Escape’ book which was easily available but if I didn’t get Josh’s ‘Awake’, I somehow knew that in my heart I would totally be unfulfilled and be left wanting.

On enquiries, I learnt that there are ONLY 4 ‘Awake’ books in MPH Malaysia, all out of state. So, I placed an order! ^^ Knowing, this is a must have. And, just as I stepped out of the bookstore, I heard JG’s ‘Awake’ album being played on the air and I stopped, listened, and flowed as the music filled my being with joy. That’s when I knew, I made the right decision! It was better to NOT have settled for what was so easily available and to wait for what was my heart’s desire.

This thought was later echoed in the evening when I thought of an old friend which I met up with. I knew she was in a new relationship with a guy but what I found missing in her was the bubbly, sparkling person she used to be. In short, she had lost that glow when she was with this other person who was actually her heart’s choice. I wondered whether she had taken the easy way out by going into a relationship with someone who was just available. Errr…..Convenience sake? Lovely though her new beau may be, I found that she did not laugh and smile the same way she used to. Even her dressing was so not up to what it usually used to be. She used to take pains and put much effort to look pretty. Heck, like everyone our age, I guess she wanted to be in a relationship and had succumbed to this peer pressure thingy?. But, I don’t think she is happy. Maybe she should have just waited. That’s my opinion. Who knows what God will give and has planned for us…

I think sometimes it is because we tend to leave a lot of things unsaid. I would like to share here a story given in a homily by our handsome Fr. Mark one Sunday about things being left unsaid.

“…. There was a young boy named Mark, who was dying of leukaemia and the Doctors had given him a month to live. He refused to be confined in the hospital and chose to live his last days with his Mother at home.

During the day when his mother worked, he took slow walks in the neighbourhood. Around the second week, he ventured a little further and came across a music store. Music was his passion. Upon entering the store, he was browsing through the CDs, when he heard a gentle voice of a girl, ‘Hi, I’m Sarah. May I help you?’

Jerking his head up, he looked straight into a pretty face and was mesmerised with her eyes and charming smile. Nervously, he grabbed a CD nearby, paid for it and ran out of the store.

But, seeing her somehow made him feel like he was on cloud nine. He had never felt like this before. Yeah, he had looked at girls blah, blah, blah but somehow…..this was different! So, he went back to the store day after day just to see her face and her smile. It was sufficient for him. After a week, he told his Mum, ‘I like a girl name Sarah but I’m shy. Do you think she would go out with me?’ His mum said, ‘Well, just write her a note then.’

On his next visit, Mark waited for Sarah to go behind the counter to wrap the CD before he left his note on the counter top and hurriedly dash out the door. However, the note had accidentally fallen on the floor and it was only during the closing of the store that evening that Sarah found the note. She smiled.

After that, Mark didn’t return to the store for he had turned for the worst and had to be hospitalized. His mother stayed with him in the hospital till the end. One night, upon entering the front door, the phone rang and it was Sarah asking for Mark. It seemed she had been calling every day. With tears in her eyes, Mark’s mother told Sarah that Mark had just passed away the night before.

On entering Mark’s room, his mother found a stack of unwrapped CDs. As she opened each one of them, she found the same note saying, ‘Hi, I’m Sarah. I like you. I would like to get to know you better. Here’s my contact number.’ Mark’s mother broke down and cried. If only…………..

Mark’s heart’s desire was actually his, but not collected…..’

* I don’t remember all the actually words. This is my version of what I could remember.

My angel’s message to me has now become clear. =)

Before colors broke into shades..

Life is full of experiences...

We learn from these experiences...

Experiences are memories...

Good / Bad, they are experiences, they are memories...

Life is full of choices...

It's up to me what pathway I decide to choose...

Experiences, memories are tools in decision making....

It's my choice, to let these become a point of crisis or life giving force....

'February Song,' was written by a genius...

Sang by a talent...

It touches me, it speaks volumes.... ^^

It has help me in my decision-making.

Phoebe

Hamsta gave me this pic of Phoebe to cheer me up! ^^

* It is better to listen to the song as you read the lyrics to really appreciate and understand it. It's beautiful.




February Song
by Josh Groban

Where has that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won't be long
Til he opens his eyes, opens his eyes
Where is that simple day
Before colors broke into shades
And how did I ever fade
Into this life, into this life

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day

Morning is waking up
And sometimes it's more than just enough
When all that you need to love
Is in front of your eyes
It's in front of your eyes

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
Sometimes it's hard to find my ground
Cause I keep on falling as I try to get away
From this crazy world

~ INSTRUMENTAL ~

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day

Where has that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won't be long
Til he opens his eyes
Opens his eyes

http://youtube.com/watch?v=9ctzSY0hNxI.com

Friends are like good expensive wine.

Today was the last straw for me when I got another blow... AS results! *sigh, so many within less than a week. Before I can recover from one, I am hit with another. Why me Lord?



But amidst all this, I found a true friend. I have always been the one who was there and strong for my friends. I guess when the shoe is on the other foot, nobody reaches that far out to me like I do for them. It hurts.



I do not know which hurts more. Not given a chance to say my piece or even to be allowed to become a friend. It has been one of the troubling issues lately.



Well, yesterday, I snapped in retaliation and hurt someone. It felt so good then, for awhile. But, you know what? It doesn't last. Cause when you care for a person/friend, the hurt you inflict on that person becomes your hurt twofold especially when you see the hurt on that person's face or in their eyes.



Before I could deal with this, some people treated me unfairly and it felt like I was just watching history repeating itself before my eyes and I could do nothing. Old pains started rising up, bad memories started unfolding and I was so shock for I thought I had overcome them. It was so long ago. How could this happen still? It was like a long arm from the past stretching out to grab me!



So I called a friend and you know what? He did something for me which no one ever did besides my family. He just listened. He was there for me. He was not judgmental. He had no secret agendas. What a true friend indeed. I was so touched by his gesture and cried even more. ^^ It felt like Jesus was with me who actually was within him.



Again, today, after getting my results, I was on the phone with Mum and when I finished I called him, thinking he was in class already. I was so surprised when he told me that he was in the cafeteria as he seen me earlier in my sorrowful state. And he was Christ to me again.

I write this entry to remember this friend least if I ever forget him in time. Through this entry, I will remember him and his kind gesture.



Thank you Joshua, you are like a rare diamond and very expensive wine!

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Friends Forever ~





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P.S. Not forgetting my brother, Darius who did his part in his 'unusual' way... Hahaha! And to my other friends too.



It is good to give credit when credit is due.

You Are Loved (Don't Give Up)

by Josh Groban

Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
When your heart's heavy
I...I will lift it for you

Don't give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you
I...I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved

Don't give up
It's just the hurt that you hide
When you're lost inside
I...I will be there to find you

Don't give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you
I...I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved

You are loved
Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
Don't give up
Every one needs to be heard
You are loved

'I believe what I see'

On Monday, during lunch, I had an interesting conversation with J, who is younger than me, about meditation. It really was so refreshing to be able to relate and feel ordinary. Although we are both Catholics, he is searching for the light in Buddhism which I found to have been a waste of energy as he has already been given the light in Baptism. Although I am very much a novice I find it so hard to leave meditation and yet I struggle with it. Meditation is so simple but not easy at all. I struggle with the silence. It is in the silence that we take the light off our self so that we can see Divine light. It cannot be learnt, only experienced.

Anyway, one of the aspects I would like to highlight here and which relates to my earlier composition about the wondering me is "what is actually meant when one says, 'I believe what I see....just like I believe what I hear".

I am taught that when I see, I do not see only with my eyes. I see with my mind, my heart and my soul. Why? It is because what I see may not be taken as Gospel truth. This world is full of deceptive ways and mischief makers. We need to be still to discern the truth or we will be easy victims of mischief makers who have a warped sense of humour of having fun at your expense. Ugh, SICK! Yeah, the world is full of sick people. So do I want to become one of them? I have been a victim of such mischief makers and unless you have been one, you cannot understand the pain and the damage it does to the soul.

A little of this knowledge I shared with my girl-friend, S, the other day about not being so quick to make a judgement or decision about someone. I am glad she heeded my sharing for she told me today that if she had not done so and had given in to her usual self, she would have judged the person wrongly. She took time to be still and reflect and 'see'.

I have also been taught never to make a decision when I am filled with emotions. This is because if you are not clear in your head and you make a wrong decision, your problem will become not one problem, but two or more! :S I learnt this the hard way. So, what to do? Be still, silent and simple. I need to turn to the Divine One. As I'm a Catholic, it is Jesus Christ for me.

There are things I see and hear in college which make me sad. I wish I could have the opportunity to share. But, there are people, the more intelligent they are, the more proud they tend to be, the more stubborn they get. E.g. A problem which can be avoided or solved, is highlighted and dragged on to a complex situation. Friendships go sour, hearts get broken, persons not given a chance or benefit of the doubt etc. And me? I am not perfect, I am searching like my young friend and I am not allowed to talk or share, unless I am sought after. That's the rule. ' Ask, and you shall receive,' is the words of Jesus and is also what my friend reminded me last year when I needed help. I was, then, too proud to ask his help and that was my lost. Now, I am wiser...a little ^^.

It is easier for me to make friends with persons who are girls than guys. Maybe I am old-fashioned but I find guys tend to have this hang-up, when a girl is the initiator in a friendship. They think ' maybe she is interested, too friendly, too easy etc.' LoLz. But, there are also guys who are very open-minded or think they are open-minded. hahahaha!

Maybe, I am also pre-conditioned that a guy has to make the first move. This has been true for me in some instances where I was friendly in the past and was misunderstood. It hurt when it came back to my ears that my good intentions were misplaced and abused. So, my apologies friends, if you think I am not friendly. What I am practising is called 'prudence.' It is also called 'self-preservation.'

I hope all of you who are reading this post, will have some light shed into your life or give you some food for thought. =)

Coincidence

This morning, Darius and Joshua's mother met an accident at different times while I almost had one myself too. Such a coincidence? That we three, should have had to deal with issues of an accident. Though, I was the most fortunate. Thank you Lord!

I wonder if we walked under a ladder or something. Nah... superstitious! :S

Glad the day is SO over! >_<

Opposites attract?

I have often wondered why some couples are able to be married for so many years while others just get divorced. This year is double festival for my family as my parents will be celebrating their 25^th and my grandparents their 50^th wedding anniversary. Wow! that’s longer than I have lived!

I remembered mom mentioning some time back when she attended a psycho-spirituality course and she used to share a lot with me…… In psychological terms there is such a thing as the Anima (feminine dimension) and Animus (masculine dimension). Hmmmm……..So I got hold of her notes, very interesting notes and this is one aspect of it. Briefly though.

“In all of us we have the two elements, emotionally & psychologically, we are

bi-sexual.

Take the Adam & Eve story for instance. Is it a myth, a story with certain essential or basic truths?

It can’t be taken literally that’s for sure………Look for the underlined truth which the myth is trying to tell us – that when God created Adam, his masterpiece, Adam was already bi-sexual, so He could create Eve from Adam. This is because the feminine (Anima) was already in Adam. Adam was not happy because the feminine in him was not integrated, so he was alone. Likewise, we have to integrate both the masculine and feminine in us. So the Anima & Animus are described as the contra-sexual archetype.” (A man has an Animus, feminine dimension, in him just as a woman has an Anima, masculine dimension in her.)

“Human sexuality does not mean only sex. Sex is just one aspect of human sexuality. Human sexuality is a way of life, not just something that one has. To be human is to be sexual and to be sexual is to be human. Sexual here means everything that makes a man a man & a woman a woman. Thus one’s sexuality (masculinity vs feminicity) pervades all areas of his/her life,….his/her way of thinking, acting, loving & being loved, approaching & relating to God and people, his/her religious experiences.

One must be confident & comfortable with one’s sexuality before he/she can successfully accept and relate to the opposite sex. (Wow! A keynote to remember?)

Complimentarity is the key to male-female relationships, not rivalry.”

“ In Man-Woman Transference Relationships, there are 5 levels.” Won’t get too technical here but in short, what happens when e.g. a man falls in love with a woman?

Haha! On the first level, when a man falls in love with a woman, actually he is falling in love with his own self, the woman (feminine dimension) in himself. Vice versa. The man projects his own anima onto the woman. (she probably looks like the female version of him too). If the anima is not integrated within himself than he can grow disillusioned with love.

What happens when there is not integration?

The man hates woman, totally neglects his anima and looks only at a man. GAY!

The woman hates man, totally neglects her animus and looks only at a woman. LESBIAN!

Whoa! I think I’m integrated with my Animus as I ‘cuci mata’ with someone. Haha!

Anyway here’s the fun part…………take a picture of a couple. E.g. Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie and you’ll be able to see at once the compatibility, the likeness in them. That’s the first level……..the physical. As we are said to have 7 look alikes in this world, can I say then that I have 7 animus? Guys who are compatible look alikes? For fun, I took Darius pic and matched it with an old schoolmate of mine and the match is so fantastic that he doesn’t want to meet her. Scary cat? (hahaha!) I have found 2 for myself.. Better not mention who she is or there’ll be retribution for me. Hahaha!Still wondering whether Joshua and his girlfriend do look alike. xD

On an easier note I would term this attraction as chemistry. I mean, a guy can have all the assets you are dreaming of and yet, you keep finding your eyes going back to one particular guy. I have often wondered about this peculiarity in me? Maybe this Anima/Animus explanation shades some light and helps me to understand myself better. It’s not lust, just a kind of chemistry that exists between 2 people not with every Tom, Dick and Harry. As I'm studying Biology, hormones do secrete a certain smell that certain people can detect at close proximity. Hahaha! Interesting ya?

Looking at my grandparents’ photos and also that of my parents, they do look alike! So, if you are wondering if the he/she is the ‘one’, just do some matching of pics. Here’s a tip, it got to be at the same angle and expression of one’s face. Also, age.

Good luck! ^^ Have fun! =)

There is a lot to me...

But, as the years go by....

I still find....

That there is still a lot more to me...

I find myself now,

Seeing things in different lights and angles;

Realizing emotions within me...

Caring for and about things, people, relationships....

So if you think you had known me before....

Put me in a box...Think again,

For you can't know me,

When I'm still discovering myself..

As for now,

I look...

I see...

I wonder...

Sometimes I know...

Sometimes I just leave it to grow...

I believe in what I see

I acknowledge what I feel

I don’t care what people say, for they are only opinions.

I believe in giving a person a fair chance,

I believe I should be given the same too.

So,

If you are interested to be a friend, a companion, a brother, a sister….

Walk gently beside me,

Life is beautiful,

Life is short,

Life can be filled with love,

Life can be fun!

It is all choices within our grasps.

This is the pathway I have chosen

Amidst my hectic daily schedule.

So come, walk gently beside me.

~Copyright Reserved~

Waterlily Pond, 1899 - Claude Monet

P.S. We cross many bridges in Life.

STREAKS!

It's one of those moments when you're just so saturated with so much intellectual theories & jargons etc. that you just want to close your eyes and do nothing. And out of that nothing came this reflection that brought a smile all through this morning.

For so many of my growing up years I've been a prefect in school (3 1/2) which had conditioned me to be quite a rigid kind of person. It was good but it's a time now to face reality. I'm growing into a young lady and I need to know the 'who' in me. History, they say gives you an identity, but up till now, it has been nothing but books, books, and more books! So, with eyes closed I asked myself "what shall I do?"
Dye my hair? Hmmmmmmm..............what a delicious idea!

I spent a good few years forced to bring girls who dyed their hair in school to the disciplinary teacher. But, deep within me, I really could not find anything really wrong in their deed other than that it broke a discipline. But why did they do it? It was more with girls who had problems in their life. So I guess that it was from there that it sprang the concept that if you dyed your hair you were a problematic person. Well, that really belonged to the older generation. To me, it just meant that it was a trendy thing to do. So am I trendy? Am I a square? I would say neither. But would I dye my hair? (Smile...........Smile.........Smile)

Friends. She was a star student in cpt but she dyed her hair so tastefully after form 5, in 3 different shades mind you, when she was a bridesmaid for her sister's wedding. Such creativity! Today she is a student in Australia at a well known Melbourne University. He was an As student of sxi. I laughed full heartedly when I met him with a full blonde head. He forgot to dye his very thick eyebrows which were still so black and wicked looking. He studied psychology and is now in a pilot's course. But nothing beats this one, who dyed his head orange, wore a bright yellow shirt and big light blue specs. I kinda admired his bad taste though! Haha! xD

Let's face it. Within us all lies a passion, a frustration, a longing to be something, to be someone. But do we have the courage to breakaway, to withstand peer pressure, to be different with a head held high......? Or are we actually cowards or have become complacent and just take the easier way out....do nothing........and slowly shrivel up inside! All in all, we must not throw away discernment, good judgment and common sense. So, if I dyed my hair, would I get a reaction? A negative reaction? What? *sigh

On Saturday, I went to the hairdresser's with mom to trim my hair. Sitting in the hairstylist's chair, mom said' "Want to dye your hair?" She had this devilish grin on her face. Shocked, "Mom?!?" Mothers always have this uncanny ways! Urrr....cool! "Yeah, why not?" Haha! She laughed. Then she goes gibberish with the hairstylist all in Hokkien, then says, we'll just streak the top. "K?" "The rock concert is tonight, isn't it?" That grin again! Well, 45minutes later, I came out of the saloon looking really streaked with light brown hair. But you know, there was this little giggle within me.........I did it! I did it! It felt like a breakaway, a letting goooooooo......Now what? Change my dressing? Ok........but the sensible within said, ' Not too much!'

When dad got home, I let him settle down before I sprang up on him and said, "How do I look?" He smiled, put on his glasses and smiled again. Then said, "You look like a pie geena". "Dad! Serious?". He laughed. "Actually, you look very nice. Different but nice. I like it. Makes you look young and alive!" Then he looked at mom. She gave him a look and walked away. His look at her was a 'how about you dear?' Haha.

The rock concert was being held at Disted College that night and Darius had been so kind to ask me to join his group of friends. He, disgusting fellow, had no reaction to my new me. I met a lot of my church friends, some of whom were the band members........they're college students too and doing stuff that's close to their heart. Music is their passion! Mine too.

Anyway, here are some of the reactions which I can recall.... sounds familiar??

---> ' Hi Vanessa, whoa....nice streaks'

---> *playing with the streaks of gold in my hair... ' Your hair is so nicely done'

---> 'Is it permanent?? Nice... *smiles'

---> 'What did you colour your hair with?? Watercolour??'

---> *huge eyes...and smiles

---> *looks...talk to friends...looks...talk to friends...looks back again

---> 'Hi...uuumm *pause ..Nessa?? Nice hair'

--->*looks..takes of cap...looks again... ( -.-?? )

---> NESSA!!! NICE!!!*big grin ( -.-'' )

---> 'Whoa....dyed your hair???' *looks of disbelief

---> *says Mass....Eyes widens and continue saying mass ( xD )

Well...that's all I can remember...

Here's is some pictures...

Before....

During....

After....

Here's a song to which expresses my bravado....

------------------------------

I Decide by Lindsay Lohan

Don't think that you can tell me what to think
I'm the one who knows what's good for me
And I'm stating my independence
Gonna take the road I'm gonna take
And I'm gonna make my own mistakes
It's my life
I decide

I decide how I live
I decide who I love
Choice is mine
And no one gets to make my mind up
I decide
I decide where I go
What I need
Who I know
I'm the one who's runnin' my life
I decide
I decide

Don't think you're ever gonna hold me down
Couldn't do it then can't do it now
I'm kickin' down all the fences
I'm gonna do it all and do too much
And if I mess the whole thing up
It's my right
I decide

I decide how I live
I decide who I love
Choice is mine
And no one gets to make my mind up
I decide

I decide where I go
Where I sleep
Who I know
I'm the one who's runnin' my life
I decide
I decide

I'm taking my own chances
And I'm finding my own answers
I'm only answering to me
And that's the way it's gonna be
I decide
Oh yeah
I decide
I decide

I decide how I live
I decide who I love
Choice is mine
And no one gets to make my mind up
I decide
I decide where I go
Where I sleep
Who I know
I'm the one who's runnin' my life
I decide
I decide

I decide how I live
I decide who I love
Choice is mine
And no one gets to make my mind up
I decide

------------------------------

Well, I'm glad my parents support my streaky hairdo... They said that I'm only young once... The externals do not change the internal self... I'm still the same Vanessa and I need to find myself ( except now its exams xD..stress! )

I'm Happy! I did it! Yay!

Now....back to my beloved books...

Study time!

*~!



Woah, never thought you'd dye your hair xD
But then we all do unpredictable things :B
For example, I myself dyed my hair for the 2nd time, a colour called burgundy, so the box says xD . My mom did it for me.

But the sad thing is it is not so noticeable unless I stay under some light source T_T

p.s. Caryn's birthday is coming soon, and she wanna go out on Saturday maybe? Interested? Reply me asap C:
[preferably on my profile thanks so that I notice, haha]

Posted by: Shienna | May 8, 2007 09:56 AM

*~!

Here's a comment from my best friend, Kelvin... who is one of those I mentioned above...

He has deleted his friendster account...

Well, he so 'proclaims' that he has nothing to say...

Enjoy reading! ;)

------

Some ppl say our history gives us our current identity.

Some ppl say its stuffs like books, role models etc..

Neither do i believe its the first nor the second

I believe its a combination of both which is usually the case

Ur history subjects u into a period of conditioning which shapes up certain characters in you today.....which makes up certain parts or fragments of our identity

For example,

A history of always being given attention frm guardians, teachers, etc........

Always given praises and good remarks

Will most probably turn u into a person with full of self esteem

On the negative side of it

It would make you less tolerant to bad remarks ....as u never learn to tackle a bad comment and role models,

Well,

Ever wonder why guys nowadays dress so weird dat to me

They look so damn foolish n childish?

Take a walk around prangin mall n see those boutiques so called inspired by the taiwanese pop diva jau hou

I think he has the worst taste ever

Now that's shaping of identity thru role model

So generally these two factors shape ur identity la

Kelvin...

------

Posted by: - VaNeSSa - | May 9, 2007 07:35 AM

.*~+~*.

Quote of the day...

This came for me as usual in the mornings.. my Brain Gain stuff....

'If man makes himself a worm, he must not complain when he is trodden on.'

Immanuel Kant

P.S. Hmm.....I wonder this 'guy' is somehow connected to a good friend of mine.... who once dressed up as Immanuel Kant for moral presentation.... Who ar?? xD

Quote of the day...

Quality Time

Just back from the gym and feeling so much better. No more case of bad conscience of overindulging in fatty foods like cheesecake.

Walking on the treadmill, I looked out to sea and thought of uncle Han Eng. My family had spent so many waking hours with him and his wife in this club and, to think that now she's alone. A scary thought! I don't think I could bare to face life all alone. The word 'Quality Time' came to mind. Hmmmmmmmm...........Let me see.

------

Thursday, 7th June, 2007

Didn't go to the library today as I had to pick papa and mama up. They were returning from KL after the funeral. As it was already late for lunch, we headed for Karaikudi for some banana leaf rice. I am glad I spent time with mum, and my grandparents as they had been complaining of my recent absence. Spending so much time in the library. Always studying, always having work to get done. As usual, papa had great tales to tell and mama kept correcting him. A typical Sagitarian and Piscean match! Well that was some quality time spent here! =)

Uncle Pierre called to cancel tennis but instead offered to take me to get my tennis racquet and stuff. His adorable little girls came too....Petra and Charmaine.....^^ oh my gosh! I feel so old! We had such a great time; I became 4 years old again???? Hahaha! I laughed so much! xD On the way home we stopped at Maxim for ICE-CREAM! I had my fix and went home feeling sated. =)

I'm soooo missing them right now...Can't wait for Monday! ^^

Guess who?? xD

-----

Friday, 8th June, 2007

Woke up with phlegm. Oh no! wheezing again? Then I remembered... Oh my gosh! ....the ICE-CREAMS! Better be a good girl and stay home before mum singes my ears. -.-''

Mum suddenly remember that she had a dental appointment and rushed off! This spelled no lunch! *sigh No car! What to do ar?? :S

Remembering my lost bet to my best friend, Darius which was the penalty of buying him lunch, I decided to kill two birds with one stone and called him.

Cut story short....we ended up at Gurney. Darius, had his own agenda too.. He wanted to 'korek' stories. He had read my kecik molek's comments and was damn curious to know who my 'cuci mata' is, who this 'lovely eyes' is.... Tell you what...this guy should forget being a dentist but be an investigative lawyer instead! He is so damn good! >_<>

Anyway, I was saved by my good old Mum who surprised us by joining us for lunch. She soon steered the conversation towards finding Darius a SWEET LITTLE GAL!! Darius was soon given a run down on ANIMA and ANIMOUS... So Darius, NOW you know what to look for hah? I don't mind being your agent! ^^ Hahahahah! Joshua can help me.... I'll ask him! xD Wilson too! ^^

While all this was going on... I was into my sweets stuff again! Chocolate cheesecake which I finally decided to eat! Then, this Darius started talking about gym, weight loss and etc... Ish! Here comes the guilty conscience! -.-''

Anyway, it was a great afternoon! It was a good quality time spent with a best friend! ^^ The next will be.....LoLz! It;s a long list! :S

That's how I ended up at the gym... =)

Gay Acts??

Recently, or would I say I have observed that the craze at the moment... among almost all of the guys in my class loves to play the 'gay act'. They are basically 'bujangs', come to think of it.. :S Why? Could it be a tactic to try to get rid of the girl who happens to maybe like them????.............. I wonder. LoLz.

Anyway, this is what happened to a best friend of mine who also loves to carry out this act. Well, to get rid of the girls chasing after him, of course! Haha! Well, we play a little game and this time I must say, that his play acting went a little over board and it smacked him in the face. xD The game is to try to convince me that he is/was GAY but all in vain. Why?? It's because if I, who am closed to him, can be convinced, then other girls in this world will be CONVINCED too! .........sheesh....

On the Friday that past, I attended the Member's Night at PSC.. Thank goodness it turned out to be fun, fun, fun! as I had expected it to be a boring sit-down dinner. ^^;;

Cut to the chase, he surprised me in attending too. He had been drinking quite a bit by the time we met and so, needed to go to the loo.

As he was walking towards the single cubicle washrooms near the games room area, I spoke loudly at him to 'go straight' knowing full well that it would lead him right into the Ladies..........Muahaha! xD Shucks! he didn't fall for it though. Haha!

Giving me a look of 'I'll get you!', he turned left and turned the door knob. I noticed that he became very, very still, muttered something, gently closed the door and walked back in my direction. He had this shocked look on his face. Confused I presumed.


Nessa: 'Didn't you badly need to go ...??' -.-''

Friend: *interrupted ' You know ar...Nessa.. This now when I opened the door, I ..ar....saw 3 guys inside!'

Nessa: *raise eyebrows..????????? 'You're drunk?'

Friend: 'No..no...no..wait!

Nessa: ????? (Gee, this sounded real)

Friend: They all looked at me lar! So I said, "Sorry" and closed the door. But......

Nessa: ????????????????? What?

Friend: One guy asked me whether I WANTED TO JOIN THEM!!!!! :S

Nessa: *smiles............sniggers...........giggles..........bursts of laughing!

Friend: -.-''

Nessa: 'Why didn't you join them??'

Friend: 'Siao ar!'

Nessa: 'You're so NOT gay!'

Friend: 'I am~'

Nessa: 'Right....'

Overall, he WAS/IS NOT gay! Sorry, this is pure solid proof my dear friend!

This was really an ultimate test for him...and any guy who faces this kind of situation. For, if he is REALLY GAY, he would happily, gladly have squeaked with delight and entered the toilet without a moment's hesitation. Also, he would have forgotten his best friend (ME) outside...-.-''

I kept telling this eligible bachelor friend of mine that there are so many girls who know him and would willingly be their beau if he only give them a chance. hahaha! But no, he got to do his way...would not elaborate here. Typically Male! I think we should be what God makes us to be.

I wonder, any ideas what they might be doing?? ^^ Better not wonder and guess...

You know this reminds me of the little boy who cried Wolf. I think you should try another tactic my dear friend if you still want to stay single and unattached. As it is, I remember when growing up, my older uncles and cousins were more into careers, of course, and being MACHO, STUD etc. but not gay. Oh well, maybe we are a different breed, a different generation. Poor girls!

Life, Brothers and Trains

As I'm a survivor of fracternal twins, I spend my early teenage years longing for my long lost brother. I even composed a fictional story of a brother and sister relationship for one of my school projects, though it was not chosen as it would have been too emotional my classmates commented. It's substance lies more in the emotions within. Anyway, cut story short, this longing within led to godbrothers being a taboo thing for me. Having put all that behind me, now I find myself collecting brotherly -like friends again! What am I doing?? :S *Sigh, sometimes I wonder whether I will ever learn.... but they really are friends with whom I enjoy company with, nothing more.

Lately, I noticed a noticeable change in one of my 'brothers'. In a way, I'm very concerned for his mental and emotional well-being. His heart has run away with him. It's funny, how the image of myself, sitting at the main train station in Perth City came to my mind at this point.

I remember enjoying and spending a lot of time during my 4 weeks in Perth in Oct. 2006, catching trains. One train came, one train left. And each time one train left the station, I found myself looking at the empty tracks left behind and that sense of emptiness, of loss, of something that left, somehow made an impression on me. Then, I seem to have felt his....emptiness. Just like how it was then. Hhmm.... LIFE! Life is like sitting in the train station??? There are many journeys to take. Each train takes you on a certain journey. On each train, you will meet people. There are many points where the tracks cross one another and meet again at another station. Hmm... an interesting view point of life.

Then I thought of my this 'brother' again. If he continued looking at the empty tracks, he might become mesmerized by them and may never move from that station. In short, become stagnated. But, there;s always HOPE..right? I remember looking at the train schedules displayed on the digital board every now and then. So, if we do look in the right direction, THERE IS ALWAYS A DIRECTION....another train will surely arrive. And when that train arrives, are we Ready? Courageous? Daring? Bold?... to take that step, to alight that train, leave the train station and go another journey, meet other people? Sometimes, we may have to journey alone, that's when it's the hardest. But sometimes, God gives us friends or someone special to journey with us for a moment, season or a lifetime. Or are we going to just wait at the station hoping for that last train that she alighted to return, hopefully again with her. Risky!!!!! I know that we cannot stay, stagnated. We have to move on, we have to change, we have to grow.

We need to move on. We need to make decisions, choices and take new journeys. On each train, you learn and experience new things. Some good, some bad. You have emotions. You have impressions. You have experiences. But that's life, right?

In Perth, I travelled north, south, east and west. I met wonderful people, I tasted glorious food, I was fortunate to be at the Swan Bells when they were chimming as part of a world commemoration of the Battle of Trafalgar Square, I met aborigines blowing their (sorry forgot the word), I tasted wine at the vineyards, I ate free chocolates at the chocolate factory, I visited parks, had barbeques with friends, went shopping, visited a mint factory, had tea in a cafe on the Swan River, I visited the University I wanted to go to then and so, so much more. In short.......there's a whole lot of living out there. Why sit at that train station, all alone? There's so many people out there who want to be loved....give them a chance too.

Life is so short and should be lived and enjoyed. Work is inevitable, of course but I certainly want to live a full life. Today, my heart stopped for a moment and my eyes filled with tears as I remember a dear family friend whose heart stopped beating today at 3.20 pm. There is a silence, a void.............like the empty tracks, only this time the train that left the station made its last journey home!

Here's a song to Uncle Han Eng! Eternal rest grant unto you..may you rest in peace.

When I Get There by Anthony Callea

I wish that I could breathe
A moment just to be here
A chance to take it in
Before I have to leave

So this is how it feels
To walk into a daydream
Can't tell you how my heart sings
To see it all for real

When you do, what you love, it feels amazing
If you do what you love, you can do anything at all

I always said when I get there
I'll change the world, I'll take more care
I'll touch the sky, be more prepared
When I get there

The road rolls on and on
It twists a while and then returns
Where here turns onto there's long gone
Before we notice

When you do, what you love, it feels amazing
If you do what you love, you can do anything at all

I always said when I get there
I'll change the world, I'll take more care
I'll touch the sky, be more prepared

I packed my bags
I left my room
There's nothing more that I can think to do
Now I need to breathe
I just need to breathe

I always said (Oh yeah, yeah, yeah)when I get there
I'll change the world, (Oh wow)I'll take more care
I'll touch the sky I’ll we do (I’ll touch the sky)

I always said when I get there
I'll change the world, I'll take more care
I'll touch the sky, be more prepared (Yeah yeah)
When I get there

Hectic days...

Thursday, 24th May, 2007

So much stuff to read for General Paper and here I was with a migraine. Gastric too! Took my tablets and decided to stand at my window and look out at the hills.....all that green. Listened to the birds singing, as I have a neighbour who keeps these singing birds as a hobby. Quite good for the soul really. So calming and easing to a tension-filled body!

It wasn't long before I felt the migraine leave me. Thank God for that! A mild one. So began reading some more stuff. What do you think would come out for GP?
Well, the GP paper was pretty fair and finished late at 7 pm. What now?

TENNIS! My darling of a coach was about to be a grandpapa and so was off to Singapore but I have a substitute.......my good adorable Uncle Pierre! Why is it that all the good looking guys, with the exception of one whom I ...hahaha....(shhh) , are either uncles or cousins or priests.

Got into the car and rushed home for my cousin uncles were coming at 8. As it turned out only Uncle Pierre came as Ansel had found two Jap chicks to entertain. Tony has to return to KL for work. Guys! Quite a drill, I must say but it was so much fun. Look forward to next week.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friday, 25th May, 2007

It was another morning just like the other...until my HANDSOME assistant parish priest, Fr. Mark gave me a ring..

Fr.Mark: Halo, dear! Are you free or not this evening??

Nessa: Morning! Wanna date me is it??

Fr.Mark: Hahahah! Why ar?? You all like to say like that to me.....

Nessa: What to do....handsome what...

Fr.Mark: You ar...(laugh loudly) Ok, this evening theres a talk by umm...umm...

Nessa: Samy Vellu?

Fr.Mark: Muahahaha! No lar...

Cut story short...agreed to meet him and his other church 'kaki's at 5.20pm at church...

As it was exam week, I hadn't been able to spend time with my relatives from KL and Australia so, to keep the peace, I went for lunch with them. An hour soon turned into two and I started to worry. I had a study schedule to complete. So at first chance I asked to be dropped off at the library.......to study.....but, in doing so, I had unknowingly caused a complication. Yikes!

Mum was to return to grandparents' home to take the car I'd left for her to go to the dentist. However, I had in my hurry, locked the car and kept the key in my pocket. Oh dear, oh dear! By then it was passed 4 pm and mum's dental appointment was at 4. *Sheepish grin...

Luckily I spotted Wilson and Darius... Don;t know where Adeline and Atria had 'cabut' to. Anyway, Darius was really kind to agree to drop me at my grandparents home....>_<>

On Tuesday, he had also been so kind to spare me the agony of driving dad's car for my judgment still stinks with that car and gave me a lift in the morning to college. You really are a kind soul Darius. Thank you for being a wonderful friend. I hope that one day I can have the opportunity to return the favour.

Blah, blah, blah....All smiles again.

------

Now, the highlight.... the seminar on 'Professionals & Professionalism'. At this point I was so tired and to a certain extent wondered what Fr. Mark had me agree to.

I should be studying lar!

Fr. Mark: Well you can't study all the time gal, take a break!

Nessa: Have a Kit-Kat?

Fr. Mark: *Laughs Loudly...again

We gathered at church at 5.20 as agreed, and me still in my stinking clothes from the morning. Haha...Too bad!

Guess what??? Fr. Mark wore real dashing! Wah...and so...so.. professional looking too. Hahahah...the rest totally commented and agree on it!

Dashing and Professional??

Then, Penny, Vanessa (not me), Juline and me got really worried that Fr.Mark would outshine us ladies and maybe cause a riot! ^^ What then?

The After.....

With the....cat! xP

Before leaving the church compound, a ll of us had either a Plan A, B or C if the talk should get boring... LoLz.. As it turned out, it was quite informative and had much substance. Good as it may be I still had to save space for Bio, Chem and Stats. Awwww........

--------

Phew, what a hectic day!^^ After my shower I sat at my desk to study but the bed was an evil temptation.........The next thing I knew.....it was morning! Hmmm......

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday, 26th May 2007

Started off with Ms.Nor clearing up my brain on the Mammalian heart and Transport in Plants..etc.. *blur

Went to the library... studied a little with Adeline and Atria...

Lunch...Siva just came and followed us.Off we went to town in Atria's pink car.In town, don't ask me where, we faced many hilarious and heart stopping moments! Avoiding Pitt street (Siva?), going the wrong way in one-way streets, getting desperate with every minute we couldn't find a car park...getting more hungry too You know what they say about 'a hungry man is an angry man' ^^ With LP latest album playing all the way! Stomach was really growling....

Imagine... all this took about 2 hours while makan time was only 15 mins... Anyway, it was SOOOO much fun! ^^

Back again at the library...a migraine started to come on again! Argh! -.-''

P.S.
1) Atria! You've got me to put LP's latest album on my must-buy list! ^^
2) I don't believe this! A guy 'jew-ling' me! -.-''I thought that was a woman's perogative! Hahah... Anyway, there's always a first...but why ar?? Guess like what we normally say at home... 'He must be having his...PMS' :P Guys??

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sunday, 27th May, 2007

Was suppose to go to the library after mass but needed to study so that I could meet cousin Carmen and family. Ansel joined us this time. He flies off tomorrow. I'm glad I shared some time with them for as it were, we were having seafood when uncle Loo had a call saying his maid had run away. They cancelled their holiday and drove back immediately. Is this a case of recycle maids??

Such a hectic week! No time to be morbid as there is so much living to do. When the Lord said, "Do unto others as thou wish others do unto you" ............give a little time, a little of yourself to others and they will reciprocate. It's a form of loving. ^^

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday, 28th May 2007

With a new morning, comes a new hope.......

Life is for Living

Saturated but not yet to beyond infinity with Biology and Stats... It got me to want to post some of the unpublished posts....

However, since its out of date, I won't publish it....but will be writing a summary of all of it..

----

I felt pretty numb the week before the day my friends left for matriculation. I guess the summit of it all was when Sarah told me that she was going for it too! That really made me cry within. It was like the team of Caryn, Sarah and me was finally being broken......... I stink at Goodbyes.. -.-''

I'm not one to cry for long. I guess I learnt a long time ago that the best way to come to terms with such matters is to look matters in the eye, grieve if you have to, and then accept the situation and move on. The only difference now, which I have noticed, is that I don't have to stand alone. There are others experiencing the same thing as me, maybe in different degrees, and, just like me, they are moving on too.

Now that I'm in Disted, I've found people who are more heart, people who are more accommodating, people who are not so 'kiasu'. I'm not alone and I do not have to be alone! Spending time studying in the library with friends like Adeline, Atria, Deep, Vennila, Darius, Joshua and the rest of the gang, sometimes going out for lunch together or listening to tales, has been kind of therapeutic, has been helpful. And like is often said, "Time heals all wounds". Not totally all true for me but.........that's another issue.

These people and also others who have shared their presence in the same room with me have shown me that it really is important to share a little of your time and self with one another and to treasure these moments. Who knows what tomorrow brings or has in store for us.

To those of us who have gone or who are going to follow our dreams, there's modern technology and such a word as communication. Heck! we're not living in the Middle Ages! So do keep in touch.

To those of us who are still around and have not realized the importance of communication or communicating, wake up! Time is running by and 2007 will soon be history. Make an effort to be a friend. It's not hard. With some, friendship comes so easily like drinking water but with some, friendship can be slow in coming as we put obstacles like could bes, maybes, should bes and what nots in the way. For me, a simple "hi" or a smile will do. Haha! But please don't wait for me to be the first to do it.....

Chemistry Practical stinks! I think that it is very very unfair and that we should all be given a re-sit.

One good thing that came about was that May Ting quit matriculation and although she did not join us for AS, she will be just opposite of us. She came over to see us in her prefect's uniform. My 'makan' buddy"

To you....Mum

You Are My Mother and My Friend

You are my mother and my friend,
Which is unusual.
Somehow our characters must blend:
Your wisdom and my will.

I turn, and you are there for me;
I speak, you understand.
I feel cared for, but also free;
You lead but don't command.

I'm fortunate that I was born
To someone just like you;
I love you, not just as my mom,
But for what you are and do.

by Nicholas Gordon

-------

The poem above...speaks everything.. especially at this point of my life..

This song below...is also dedicated to you, Mum...the one and only and the best-est friend I ever have... Love you always... =)

-------

Because You Loved Me by Celine Dion

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

---------

To me, Mum...

Mother's Day is not celebrated just one fixed day...

Mother's Day is an everyday to me....

What inspired me today....

I started my day with this quote;

--------

"All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes to make it possible"
T.E. Lawrence

And I ended the day with this song...

--------

The Power Of The Dream - Celine Dion

Deep within each heart
There lies a magic spark
That lights the fire of our imagination
And since the dawn of man
The strength of just "I can"
Has brought together people of all nations

There’s nothing ordinary
In the living of each day
There’s a special part
Every one of us will play

Feel the flame forever burn
Teaching lessons we must learn
To bring us closer to the power of the dream
As the world gives us its best
To stand apart from all the rest
It is the power of the dream that brings us here

Your mind will take you far
The rest is just pure heart
You’ll find your fate is all your own creation
Every boy and girl
As they come into this world
They bring the gift of hope and inspiration

Feel the flame forever burn
Teaching lessons we must learn
To bring us closer to the power of the dream
The world unites in hope and peace
We pray that it will always be
It is the power of the dream that brings us here

There’s so much strength in all of us
Every woman child and man
It’s the moment that you think you can’t
You’ll discover that you can

Feel the flame forever burn
Teaching lessons we must learn
To bring us closer to the power of the dream
The world unites in hope and peace
We pray that it will always be
It is the power of the dream that brings us here

Feel the flame forever burn
Teaching lessons we must learn
To bring us closer to the power of the dream
The world unites in hope and peace
We pray that it will always be
It is the power of the dream that brings us here

The power of the dream
The faith in things unseen
The courage to embrace your fear
No matter where you are
To reach for your own star
To realize the power of the dream

Working something out of my system

When I was much younger, ... I remember following Mum to one of her seminars in College General. And it was at one of these seminars that I remember this phrase... which really has much wisdom. It's simple but not easy.... The phrase is...

' Letting go

Letting be

Letting grow'

This phrase, I thought, how does it affect me now?? Why has it popped up in my mind again?? What bearing does it have?? So I took a little time to sit and ponder the whole night... Is He telling me something??

--------------

'Letting go' - Letting my friends go??

'Letting be' - Learning to live with the present?? There are still others.... Many more waiting to be friends... Enjoying the present and those who are in the present...before the now, becomes past.

'Letting grow' - Is this the way to move on and to grow?? Friendship can still grow even though we are miles apart... Can't it?? It's not like as if they are gone forever.. There's telecommunications today and they are so much better than those of yesteryears...snail mail anyone?? xD Anyway, they are Penang base...and there's holidays.^^

--------------

Then,....

Reading an Easter message from WCCM...

'What uniquely did Jesus bring to the world?'

And the word floating in my mind is... 'Touch'

'Touch' reminds us of our wholeness. No part of us can be rejected or diminished without the divine beauty of creation being dishonoured.'

Though my time spent with these college mates, who are leaving, has been short, I realize that they had touched some part of my life. Yea... that word again 'touch'. We all need 'touch' to grow...just like an infant child in a Mother's arms...a nurturing form of love. =)

When thought like this in this manner and light, parting of ways, parting of friends.. somehow doesn't seem so difficult and painful anymore. It's a necessity for growth in all aspects for all parties. For if this was not so, everything would be so 'siang eh'. How boring! -.-'' Like in economic terms... the Law of Diminishing Returns..

Now, I understand...what He was trying to say to me... Thank you! =)

Not again!

Before I begin...all I want to say is...

I've survived!.....Bio Structure Paper! xD

--------------

Sitting in the library studying for tomorrow's paper with Tiffanie... We were told by PVoon that he's leaving... HuH? Not another one?? Besides him, if I'm not mistaken, there are others who are also leaving while there are also others who are appealing to get matriculasi.

There goes another one I say! I'm gonna miss his cute-ish beaming cheerful smile that you see every morning in class... Some how, it lightens your day... just like a phrase commonly used in...gah! At Customer services... Tiff totally agrees too!

A terrible sourly taste formed in my stomach....making me so-like sea sick.. till now. :S I can't help feeling nostalgic...making me think of my school friends and teachers too.. How come I never felt this before?? Am I a late starter??? I'm beginning to miss my school friends a little...especially my adorable juniors especially my kecik molek xD Well, I've experienced having a friend being transfered to another school or leaving to go overseas etc...one at a time.
Not, so many at ONE GO!

It's so hard to cover it up... Tiff just went deep into her stats while I'm trying to gain an 'appetite' to study again...Till now, I don;t think I've covered much... -.-''

On the bright side, Belle, Mting and PVoon most likely are going to go to the matriculasi college in Kedah... That;s one less of a worry... =)

Oh well, they are still here....let's spend this moment to be a memorable one...

-----

Hey college-mates,

After GP, let's go hang out, watch movie etc to be with them at Gurney or something..

Do spread the word! =)

All are welcome!^^

-----

....More news

I went to the library again today...

Partly to study...and partly to be there for a friend...

Guess what?

More nostalgic news.....

Heard another two more, MTing and Deep are going to leave too...

Haiz....

Anyway, my friends, here's something I wrote last year...

And I would like to share this with you all... =)

Enjoy!

_____________________________________________

Life’s Journey With You, My Friend

Looking across the room at you, my friend,

I realize that our friendship

has been like a river flowing

one more turn, one more bend.

Memories of times we’ve shared together,

times we’ve laughed,

times we’ve cried,

times we’ve felt we just could go no further!

Still we continued holding hands,

helping each other

coming up with new plans,

And with God’s grace,

we will all run and finish the race.

Now we have come to another bend,

when we must finally part,

finding life’s journey and part as friends,

May the good Lord bless us, keep us, guide us,

keeping us always His precious child.

As we say

Goodbye, Au Revoir,

Arriverderci, Selamat Tinggal!

~Copyright Reserved~

_____________________________________________

Tomorrow our trials begin~ ALL THE BEST!

....More news

I went to the library again today...

Partly to study...and partly to be there for a friend...

Guess what?

More nostalgic news.....

Heard another two more, MTing and Deep are going to leave too...

Haiz....

Anyway, my friends, here's something I wrote last year...

And I would like to share this with you all... =)

Enjoy!

_____________________________________________

Life’s Journey With You, My Friend

Looking across the room at you, my friend,

I realize that our friendship

has been like a river flowing

one more turn, one more bend.

Memories of times we’ve shared together,

times we’ve laughed,

times we’ve cried,

times we’ve felt we just could go no further!

Still we continued holding hands,

helping each other

coming up with new plans,

And with God’s grace,

we will all run and finish the race.

Now we have come to another bend,

when we must finally part,

finding life’s journey and part as friends,

May the good Lord bless us, keep us, guide us,

keeping us always His precious child.

As we say

Goodbye, Au Revoir,

Arriverderci, Selamat Tinggal!

~Copyright Reserved~

_____________________________________________

Tomorrow our trials begin~ ALL THE BEST!

Seasons

Haizz.... Today, I was told another friend of mine, Belle, is leaving college...

I know I should be studying....but the urge to blog is stronger...as I feel so down hearted with this news...but am happy for her... After SPM results, there have been so many changes... Friends leaving or changing courses.... KMing, JYuan, Gerald, Alex and many more...

________________________________________

Looking back at the first day of college, I remember myself having misgivings about having chosen the right college as I realized that I didn't have anyone who I could term 'friend'....just familiar faces from past tuitions... The fear of not being able to fit in..hit me!

Remember calling Mum.... and she said 'Have an open mind and an open heart'

Before long, besides Adel, Belle was my first friend in this college.Then came...Deep, Tria and Veni to the group...I don't know at what point...Bro Zack's group and Tiff's group came in... It is interesting how a group of friends is formed without us even realizing it... More the merrier I say! =)

Ah! Then came the 'cuci mata' affairs! I remember one incident especially where I almost got into trouble because the 2 girls (not gonna mention names here!) They cuci mata at a senior guy in the library...But when he looked at us girls... that's when I happened to be looking at him.(didn't change specs yet) So I was blur~

Yea...he is cute....Not my type though....AhhhHH! :S

When I went to get a book, he approached me but I managed to escape *sweat man ...Wrong party! Till today, I feel so embarrassed whenever he looks at me...with that 'look' ~ >_<>NOT!

Then there was the moral presentation...on 'Deonthological Ethics'

In one of the sketches....where it involves a bribe to an officer... Well, Belle was kinda highly voted to be the officer...Why?? Her innocence...hahahah! The bribers, who were suppose to be undercover ACA probes, were Adel and Deep. It was hilarious! No regrets having done this project together!

Then there was tennis...which was a deal with Belle that I would join if she joined badminton...but somehow...she managed to wangle her way out of badminton... Hmm.... and pulled me away too! =) Now, she's leaving tennis and some broken hearts too... =) Sorry guys!

Actually, our time in this course is SO short. I was in the library when I heard of her leaving... *sigh. I looked at some of those who were there today... Adel, Veni,Atria, BHoe, Chris, JSean, and of course....my bro, Zack! Where would we be next year? Some of us are only on a 'Hi' basis...LoLz. We don't even know if we like tea, coffee or chocolate more?

Weird...there are people who I have known by their names or faces from various tuitions in my life...and yet, we still act like we are strangers or something...
It's sad... not even a 'Hi'. And yet, they are somehow or another.. a part of my life. When are we all going to grow up and leave our hang-ups behind?? Life is so short. Time is so limited. The moment is here!

I guess a part of it is also my fault... I'm too self conscious. Part of it is because of my poor knowledge of any Chinese dialect. I guess I have to work and do something about it in this department. *sigh

Anyway, Belle...I wish you all the best. Don't forget me ya!

________________________________________

Hmm... Now I feel much better.. I have said what I wanted to say.

Oh, that's my tummy rumbling... Gonna scout for food... ^^

P.S. Wanted to upload pictures of Bro Zack studying real hard.... xP Pity you only!