After a series of dreams, everything came to a halt. Silence and stillness prevailed. An image of a friend started to form in front of me. He said to me, ‘Nessa, you are a very beautiful person, but you let your hurts hold you from being so.’
I awoke. Was he an angel with a message?
For the last few days, I tried to shake this off but the more I tried, the worst it got. So I decided to face it. =)
Cooking my noodles in the kitchen this morning, I looked into the boiling pot of water. I’ve put so much water into the pot and yet it looked insufficient. At this point, I was struck by this thought that things are not what it always seems to be. Hmmmm….
Yesterday, I went on a mission to MPH to look for Josh Groban’s ‘Awake’ music scores book. In my search, I picked up Jim Brickman’s ‘Escape’. In this book, I found the song ‘Timeless’ and I could feel excitement welling-up within me. I GOT TO HAVE THIS BOOK!!!
Josh Groban’s ‘Awake’ was forgotten for a good 15 minutes till Mum came along saying ‘Found the book?’ -.-‘’ Anti-climax! I knew I had a decision to make on my hands. Josh Groban or Jim Brickman? Gosh, sounds like choosing a boyfriend! Swt. Tough choice. I knew Jim B. LONGER than Josh G. I am more FAMILIAR with Jim B. than Josh G. I have MEMORIES of Jim B. but not much of Josh G. So, if they were guys I had to choose from, I should choose Jim B. right? :S I have memories and events with Jim B. But somehow, Josh G. had my heart. I don’t know why! >_<
Hahahahaha…. Luckily they are artists. Mampous gua! If it was a real life situation. xD
Mum’s wise words, ‘Don’t forget your heart’s choice.’
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I knew I could conveniently buy ‘Escape’ book which was easily available but if I didn’t get Josh’s ‘Awake’, I somehow knew that in my heart I would totally be unfulfilled and be left wanting.
On enquiries, I learnt that there are ONLY 4 ‘Awake’ books in MPH Malaysia, all out of state. So, I placed an order! ^^ Knowing, this is a must have. And, just as I stepped out of the bookstore, I heard JG’s ‘Awake’ album being played on the air and I stopped, listened, and flowed as the music filled my being with joy. That’s when I knew, I made the right decision! It was better to NOT have settled for what was so easily available and to wait for what was my heart’s desire.
This thought was later echoed in the evening when I thought of an old friend which I met up with. I knew she was in a new relationship with a guy but what I found missing in her was the bubbly, sparkling person she used to be. In short, she had lost that glow when she was with this other person who was actually her heart’s choice. I wondered whether she had taken the easy way out by going into a relationship with someone who was just available. Errr…..Convenience sake? Lovely though her new beau may be, I found that she did not laugh and smile the same way she used to. Even her dressing was so not up to what it usually used to be. She used to take pains and put much effort to look pretty. Heck, like everyone our age, I guess she wanted to be in a relationship and had succumbed to this peer pressure thingy?. But, I don’t think she is happy. Maybe she should have just waited. That’s my opinion. Who knows what God will give and has planned for us…
I think sometimes it is because we tend to leave a lot of things unsaid. I would like to share here a story given in a homily by our handsome Fr. Mark one Sunday about things being left unsaid.
“…. There was a young boy named Mark, who was dying of leukaemia and the Doctors had given him a month to live. He refused to be confined in the hospital and chose to live his last days with his Mother at home.
During the day when his mother worked, he took slow walks in the neighbourhood. Around the second week, he ventured a little further and came across a music store. Music was his passion. Upon entering the store, he was browsing through the CDs, when he heard a gentle voice of a girl, ‘Hi, I’m Sarah. May I help you?’
Jerking his head up, he looked straight into a pretty face and was mesmerised with her eyes and charming smile. Nervously, he grabbed a CD nearby, paid for it and ran out of the store.
But, seeing her somehow made him feel like he was on cloud nine. He had never felt like this before. Yeah, he had looked at girls blah, blah, blah but somehow…..this was different! So, he went back to the store day after day just to see her face and her smile. It was sufficient for him. After a week, he told his Mum, ‘I like a girl name Sarah but I’m shy. Do you think she would go out with me?’ His mum said, ‘Well, just write her a note then.’
On his next visit, Mark waited for Sarah to go behind the counter to wrap the CD before he left his note on the counter top and hurriedly dash out the door. However, the note had accidentally fallen on the floor and it was only during the closing of the store that evening that Sarah found the note. She smiled.
After that, Mark didn’t return to the store for he had turned for the worst and had to be hospitalized. His mother stayed with him in the hospital till the end. One night, upon entering the front door, the phone rang and it was Sarah asking for Mark. It seemed she had been calling every day. With tears in her eyes, Mark’s mother told Sarah that Mark had just passed away the night before.
On entering Mark’s room, his mother found a stack of unwrapped CDs. As she opened each one of them, she found the same note saying, ‘Hi, I’m Sarah. I like you. I would like to get to know you better. Here’s my contact number.’ Mark’s mother broke down and cried. If only…………..
Mark’s heart’s desire was actually his, but not collected…..’
* I don’t remember all the actually words. This is my version of what I could remember.
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